Updated: May 30, 2019
I'm writing this in the BIC center at the UCHealth cancer center waiting for Haylee's blood test results to come back. She's tested every Monday and Thursday. I'm always nervous on these days, hoping and praying the results are good, but preparing for the worse. We've let down our guard a few times with this disease only to encounter set backs. We now have a go bag that we carry with us and a list of people on call to help if an emergency comes up. Nicole and I live hour by hour, day by day and it's now our norm. I'm more accustomed to this stressful lifestyle than Nicole.
A little over a year ago Nicole was diagnosed with mucinous adenocarcinoma, a rare and usually fatal cancer of the appendix. After enduring a 15 hour surgery she was cleared of the disease. She still has to go in for scans every year and i'm nervous every time she does. This is the first time Nicole has been on the other side of cancer and understands my sleepless nights and obsessive questioning regarding how she and Haylee are feeling. Through all of this we've kept our sense of humor. The Green's laugh a lot. We're even able to find humor in our struggle through two bouts of cancer in a span of a year.
When Nicole was diagnosed we were told by her Doctor until she has her surgery they wouldn't know the extent to which it spread and what would need to be done. She might need to have her colon fully removed, along with her anus and her rectum would be sewn shut. She would need a stoma for the rest of her life. I could see the worry on her face. I made a joke about not being able to blame farts on her anymore. Luckily it hadn't spread that far. Her appendix, spleen, reproductive organs, part of her colon along with her peritoneum were removed. But, she still had a butt hole! I always joked with Nicole about having to wipe my butt when I'm old. She would say that we would hire someone for that task if it came to it. We never thought I would be the one wiping ass.
Nicole was cut from her pubic region to her sternum. She was unable to walk or bend over. During one of her trips to the bathroom she needed some assistance. No nurse was around so without hesitation I volunteered. As she stood up from the toilet seat I commented on how I wanted her to remember this day so when my need for ass care comes she couldn't complain. As i'm finishing up I feel something on my thumb, it was shit. A big chip of poo was setting on my thumb and it was that post surgery dookie. It's smell and density were hyped up by hours of anesthetics, chemo and lorezapam. Being a germaphobe you would have thought this would freak me out. My only concern was getting it off my thumb before Nicole saw it because I knew it would embarrass her. I tried shaking it off but it hung on like a cowboy breaking a bull. Nicole turned around to see what I was doing and saw it on my thumb.
My mouth opened as I started to tell her it was ok. Before I could say anything, she started laughing. She placed her hand over her stomach to stop from laughing to hard and tearing the stitch's. I started laughing watching her and than I heard it..."prrrrrrrrrt". Still on my knees with excrement on my thumb she farted in my face. My immediate response was to say "Oh my god." Now we're both in tears and she's wincing from the pain of laughing and my throat shut from laughing so hard and from swallowing that post surgery ass gas. I told her I'm looking forward to the day I get to pay her back. We've always been able to find humor in things, even if its taking a cancer fart to the chops. And we just got Haylee's test results, she's still winning the fight!