Dreaded Diet

Marriage is about sharing the burdens of life and being there for each other. Today while grocery shopping I was informed by Nikki that “we” are on the Daniel diet, which is a vegetarian diet. I wasn’t aware I had started this diet until I was placing my normal items in the cart, nutter butter cookies, Oreo cookies, gummy bears and ice cream. She starts taking my snacks out and tells me it’s going to be hard for “us” to not eat meat for a month. Now I knew sheri and Nikki we’re going to start this diet but had no idea that I accepted the challenge as well. I gingerly ask, while placing my nutter butters back in the cart, how I got volunteered to start this diet. Nikki tells me the diet would be good for “us”, there’s that word again. I know my body and it needs nutter butters and meat.

I explain that I have always been a great cheerleader when she diets, providing words of affirmation to help her while squirreling away my treats and eating them at night in the closet so I wouldn’t tempt her. I was going to pass on the Daniel diet. I now have my Oreos back in the cart cause the nutter butters were lonely. I try to reason with her by using logic. Vegetarians have bad gas, mine’s already bad enough. If she makes me do the vegetarian diet and I fart in the house and it absorbs into the structure of the house, that could cause our home value to depreciate and now we’re losing money and neighbors because she made me do this diet...FACTS. She’s always trying to look out for me and my health. Oprah once had a show on how bad salt was for black men so she banned salt from the house. I had to sneak home salt packets from fast food restaurants and block the Oprah channel.

As I’m writing this, I just finished a five piece chicken strip dinner from Popeyes 😁.