• Dorell Green

Arizona Feral Cats

Updated: Aug 31, 2019

We took a trip to a Arizona to surprise my Parents. My dad is in an assistant living facility due to Alzheimer’s and my mom has an apartment about 10 minutes away from him. It made my moms day seeing us standing on her porch. She lives in a extremely nice apartment complex. As she’s showing us around her apartment she opens the door to her balcony than closes it. She tells me she would like to go out on her balcony but theirs a gang of cats who hang out on her balcony and they run her off when she tries going out. Shocked, I said “a gang of cats”. My mom tells me she bought cat repellent and put it all over the balcony and the cats snorted it like cocaine. Not wanting any trouble with the cats she gave the balcony up to them lmao.


That night me and Nicole went to the car to get our suitcases. Nicole points over to the side of the street. Sure enough, standing under a street light staring at us we’re 4 cats. One was smoking non filtered menthol lights and had a gold tooth (black cat), one was wearing chinos and had neck tattoos that said “Bandolero” and “Diablo“ (mexican cat), another was completely bald on top and was smoking a cigar while wearing an ascot (Italian cat) and the last one was wearing a headband, gi and had brass nunchucks around his neck (Asian cat) just painting a picture showing these somebitch’s meant business 🙂. We could hear the sound of other cats running all around us. This was war, and nobody messes with my momma!


That night I looked through the blinds and saw them on the balcony. I get the broom and tell Nicole I’m about to spank some cat ass. I thought I could scare them off. I opened the door and ran onto the balcony swinging the broom. I hit one of the cats on the butt, the black cat. He doesn’t budge. He slowly turns his head towards me as if to say “my man, did you just hit me with that dirty broom.” Before I could swing again he lunges at me. I fall backyards over a lawn chair, poking wildly at him with the broom while calling him a “motherfu$&a.” I didn’t want this cat to scratch me and I get some weird CSD (cat scratch disease) and have to get my leg amputated. He jumps on a table and looks down at me. It was dead silent. Crickets stopped chirping, other cats gathered around and sat on the ledge like spectators in a gladiator arena.


I scrambled back into the apartment and regaled my family with the story of my epic cat battle. Living off a diet of cactus, tumble weeds and cat repellent had made them crazy as fuck and fearless. I tell my mom to look at the bright side, not being able to go on the balcony will help her stop smoking. F&$K them cats! I still have a few days to come up with a plan. Hmmmm WWBPD (What Would Black Panther Do)?😂


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