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  • Writer's pictureDorell Green

70’s Bush

When Nicole and I first started dating I told her about my fear of water and inability to swim. I‘m not buoyant at all. She told me everyone can float and convinced me one night to go to the pool in our apartment complex and she’ll teach me.

I lie flat on my back as she holds me up In the water. The minute she lets go I sink straight to the bottom. The water rushes into my nose and mouth. This was public pool water that had been through many asses and crotches and now was in mouth. I gag and get out of the pool telling Nicole that was enough for me. Besides my dislike of public pools aka public bath tubs Nicole asked me what else kept me from swimming. I tell her about my swimming lessons when I was around 7 and living in Arizona.

This was in the mid 70’s, big afros, big clothes and big pubic hair was the trend. I hated swimming but my parents made me take lessons. Our swimming instructor was in her early twenties, she was Italian with long feathered hair and always chewing gum. She was pretty and wore a blue one piece swimming suit to class. What I remember most was that her pubic hair flared out both sides of her bathing suit, and it was a lot. The best part of the classes was her pubes.

There were two swimming boards at the pool, one was higher than the other. which ever one you chose to go up, you had to jump off, there was no taking the ladder back down. I knew the limitations of my swimming abilities so I stayed on the lower diving board. I would jump off and try and get close enough to the edge of the pool where I could grab it and pull myself back up before sinking.

One day, for some reason, maybe to impress my Afro crotch instructor, I decide to go on the high board. I get to the top and I’m terrified. But I remembered the rule and decided to make the jump. My plan was to land near the edge, grab on and pull myself up hopefully without cracking my head open. I jumped and fell out of control toward the water. Shit was not going as planned. I hit the water hard and floated near the center of the pool. Panic set in. I’m gurgling water trying to yell for help, but with all the water going in my mouth I could only get out “relp.” Kids we’re laughing, I was drowning and than my savior came to the rescue. Afro crotch dove in to save me.

I’m completely out of control. My arms are flailing around as everyone was trying to keep there distance so I wouldn’t drag them down with me. As my instructor got to me I was starting to sink. I swung my arms around and grabbed the only thing I could, her crotch hair. I had a hand full of it and used it to pull myself up. She screamed and feel backwards trying to pull away, I screamed and pulled her towards me trying not to drown. She was finally able rip my hand free and drag me to the edge of the pull where I was pulled up onto the concrete by staff. They rolled me over and I spat out water, still grasping a hand full of my hero’s pubic hair.

I was embarrassed to go back the next day. But, when I got to the pool, I was the most popular kid there because I got to touch our instructors pubes. I was also nicknamed “relp“ lol. This is why I‘m not a fan of swimming but have a fondness for the 70’s bush because it saved my life.

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